Hmm... Well, somehow this midnight (again... :p) I come to think about things I cannot do and things I'm not able to do..."Things you cannot do" and "Things you are not able to do" are two different matters for me. Let me go further with my description about it.
Let's just say, when I cannot do something, it means no matter how hard I try, I'll never succeed. Maybe it's because of my lack, of maybe it's because that thing is against my principal. It means that thing is impossible to do. But when it comes to "the thing I am not able to do", it means it is still possible, but somehow I just can't manage myself to achieve it...
*sigh*
I don't know whether "not to do something you are not able to do" is a good thing or a bad thing... I mean, when something is in fact possible to do, then in my mind I know I can or should do it, but my feeling won't let me.
The simplest example is being tidy and diligent. Oh my, that's such a pain, really... Well sorry to say this, but I can't help it! Well for now, I gave up to be, but I know I can't be like this forever. There'll be time when I HAVE to change, and I'm kinda grateful it's not now...
The same thing goes with thing thing: being honest about my own feelings...
Gaahhh~ I don't know why, but my own feelings often deny to do so! Well of course in some case, I'm just playing "save", means I don't want things to get complicated with my honesty. But mostly, it's because when it comes to the time when I'm expected to be honest, I always think about "what if it ends? Wouldn't it be better off without saying the truth so that nobody knows about my sorrows?"
Such a coward thinking... I know it, but I just can't being myself to say them honestly... And then again, once I come to the state where I don't care about the ending anymore, I sometimes don't want then to get their heads so big, or just don't want them to think that I'm the way I trully am... Nah, such a complicated thinking... That's maybe why a friend of mine always reminds me how I tend to think too much about the things I shouldn't think...
Well, lastly, all I can say that, you don't have to try to understand me, since I'm the jerk to let you wonder... It's my own fault if people come to misunderstood me... Well I don't really care anyway, but still there are people whom I don't want to be misunderstood, despite the fact that being honest is the hardest possible-thing to do... Hopefully you have enough patience to wait for me to try more *grin*
