Two people can claim that they love the other party but both loves are unrequited.


What a madness.

I will never find the happiness I crave for.
But someday, the wish will die out, and then I can live.

It is really funny how fictional characters remind me of you.
Not all, only those two, who had been designed to have the kind of smell, the same one we had when I was with you.

Nobody is going to understand what you are to me.
I finally did, but noone else will.
I now believe that that's the part of being an adult, that you have things people won't understand the way you do, that people won't ever see it in the same light as you, and nobody is going to be ever being that close to it. To that circle that I have cut over and over again, to limit my space.

And thus, I have decided, I won't ever talk about you to anyone anymore. I won't let people know you exist. And I won't do it even if it will make the other party better.

This will be the last time I did. Not anymore, not in the future.

Some day I believe it is something to be cherished.
Some day I wish I could kill it.

OK, maybe, just maybe, it would make me feel better to say them all.
They are always in my head, I versed them carefully, I was debating with myself about them, et cetera et cetera...

But it is not worth it.

They don't matter to anyone but me.
Not everything that exists in this world matters, yeah, life's not fair.
It's a yeah-so situation.

And even if I did, so what?
It won't change me in anyway.
I understand that this is permanent, to the point of giving up trying to throw it away.
I am still learning to live with it.
The fact that I am writing this means I haven't gotten far yet, but I will learn to ignore it.
For sure.

So, it does not matter, if you hear it or not,
because it won't change you,
it won't change me.

To you, who changed me, this is nothing.