Why is it,
as time goes by,
the older I am,
that I thought I was more mature now,
the more things I regret?
How come,
when I always say I don't want to regret anything when I die?
Have I forgotten of how I lived my life?
With every single tear and pain,
do people get weaker, or stronger?
Really...
Adults are pathetic beings.
They think they know how to love.
I guess they just realize how to feel lonely.
More.
Do it more.
More.
More than this.
More than before.
More than I can take.
Do it.
And do it fast.
Or however. I don't care.
Just do it.
Just not half-heartedly like this.
I want to keep being naïve and be more mature.
So I can start things like a child and end them like an adult.
So I can do good sincerely and don't regret it no matter how it turns out to be.
So I can forgive and forget.
So I can love like I've never been hurt.
So there she is. Sitting by the end of the dock.
The wind blows nicely. The voice of the sea is calming. And seagulls are calling each other to come home.
With her both legs hanging down toward the shore, she gazes at the sky. The golden colour is mesmerizing. And somewhat fragile. It's a pity it will turn dark soon. Is that why it looks so unbearably beautiful?
She tries not to think. That's not what she needs. She has done enough. More than enough. She has to find a way to end it. Not like she has a choice.
She just wants to make a peace with herself.
The boat is leaving soon. The hitting waves make it look shaky and frail, but it's good to go. And she is the one and only honored guest for the ship captain. Everyone is waiting for her to come back.
She kicks the air gently with small gestures. Her bare foot are shimmering from the saltwater splashing onto them. And she wonders why it is so difficult to carry on.
Does she regret?
Does she not have a wonderful time?
Does she hope not to go?
Well. No. No, to be honest.
She knows she has to go. It's not regretful at all. Although it wasn't easy for her to come to that point. Despite her love for this lovely isle.
Then what is it holding her back? What is it making it so hard to get up and step in to the boat?
She doesn't have any regret. Because she knows she's sincere all along. She knows, and doesn't expect more. But realities are cruel. Sometimes being sincere is not enough for one to let go.
She hopes nothing. She knows. That's why she does nothing.
But deep down inside, she doesn't like how it ends. Yet she does nothing but to wait. She's at the point of not knowing what to do so it turns out well for everyone, that it's easier to just sit and wait there.
She does not regret. Nor angry. Nor upset. She is just waiting for herself to make a peace with herself. So everything turns out brighter, that she can leave with a smile, by the end of the day...
Easy for me because I love you.
Easy for you because you don't.
Just how easy for us to say otherwise.
