Marathon

How should it feel like again?

People say it's like sailing on a boat.
People say it's like walking on a tightrope.

For me, it's simple.
It is like running on a marathon.

You move a baton from one person to another, from one stop to another.
It is a race, for sure, but not to prove who's the fastest.
Everyone has their own track and baton.
Everyone is fighting their own war.
Constantly.
Hence why, I think, it would be more fun if there is someone with whom you run side by side.

Because, although it is not a race against the world, the race against yourself can be tiring, you know.
You would have to stop from time to time.
Your beloveds will shout at you, looking back a little bit, 'come on, you can do it!', while keeping running their own race. Because they have to keep running, I understand.

What I want is something simple.
Someone who would catch me when I trip.
Someone who would actually stop and sit with me a little bit.
Just a little bit, until I can take a breath, until I can feel my legs again, until I can get back on my feet again.
While we sit, I hope that someone will ask me why I stop, if I need a helping hand or a mere shoulder to lean on, or simply if I just need to sit and enjoy the view. It will be nice too, if I am told that I shouldn't have sat down because actually I could just continue running.
And then, we both will run again, or walk again, as we see fit.

But with you, you never even look back.
Perhaps you don't care if I trip or stop or run.
You only see you.
From time to time when you need to stop, you will call out to me to see if I want to sit with you.
When you trip, you hide away, or hush my helping hand because you believe that this is your fight.
And you simply throw away the towel I carefully offer to make you feel better.
Even when I whimper as I fall, you just tell me to be brave and never stop running.

Perhaps you are right.
I should be brave.

I will be brave.

No, but, seriously though,
what the fuck do you actually want?

You are trapped in your own mind,
of your own disability to think.
You just feel, and although you have your reasons, you let your feelings win and dismiss your chance, and you let your pride to ruin what can be fixed and hurt necessarily.

So you said, this is not the first time it happened,
not the first time you talked about it.
You feel like you are not listened.

So?


What the fuck do you want?
You should do something about it.
Now.
Don't torture yourself more than this.
You're wasting your time.
Go and face your problems.